Acknowledging the Monster of Arthritis and Pain

Learn how to accept chronic pain in your life with humor and gratitude.

Acknowledging the Monster of Arthritis and Pain

My world has changed considerably since chronic illness. But even though I have had rheumatoid arthritis (RA) and fibromyalgia for nearly eight years, there are still times where I view my body as my enemy and I don’t know if I can be the “me” that I need to be.

How can I have a normal life, raise my kids, be successful professionally and find love again when my life is consumed by the monster that is chronic illness and pain?

It is has taken me time and real life comedic moments to come to terms with that monster, whom I call RAF (an abbreviated combination of my RA and fibromyalgia). And lucky for me, RAF is always around.

My Revolving Door Plight

RAF is part of my biggest daily challenge — that revolving door in my office building that I can’t always push. The non-revolving door, I feel, is for people with visible disabilities and I am not part of that reputable group. Most of the time, it takes all the strength I have to push my way out through the revolving door. And, there are times when I need help.

One evening, I found myself struggling with brain fog, combined with a lack of coordination, strength and mobility. RAF was suddenly standing behind me breathing heavily, growling, and pulling me backwards. I contemplated whether RAF expected a fire department rescue. After what seemed like an eternity, the door started moving and I felt the cold February air outside. I didn’t have time to thank the hero who rescued me because he quickly walked off, leaving me both grateful and embarrassed.

As I sat in my car, I grasped how invisibly disabled I was. It took nearly eight years to come to a realization that I couldn’t push, lift, or move fast enough. All those years, RAF was impatiently waiting to be acknowledged. I finally did so with tears, conceding that RAF and I would be stuck in that revolving door many times more.



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